


Just let me adore you, like it's the only thing I'll ever do

by elizabethbri



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3+1 Things, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz POV, Established Relationship, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Public Display of Affection, Temporary Amnesia, backwards tho, its ok though eddie reasures him, the +1 happens first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:22:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizabethbri/pseuds/elizabethbri
Summary: Eddie gets an injury at work that leads him to getting hoped up on meds that give him temporary amnesia. He gushes over Buck, much to his embarrasment the next day. It makes Eddie realize he is not as affection to Buck and Buck is to him, and he remedies that.Or, one time Buck accidentally lets Eddie know he is insecure in their relationship and three times Eddie showers him with the affection he deserves.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 546





	Just let me adore you, like it's the only thing I'll ever do

**Author's Note:**

> title from adore me by harry styles  
> \----  
> this has been 90% finished, sitting in my drafts for months. im glad i finally rounded it out.  
> i just wanted something sweet and short about eddie being sweet and buck being showered with love  
> actually when i started this i wanted the stupid temporary amnesia trope where one of them gushes over the other and that was all  
> but then i had feelings about it  
> like is this how eddie normally is  
> is it completely out of character for the team  
> is it completely out of character for buck???  
> and now here we are.  
> ____  
> pls enjoy.

+1

When Eddie woke up, he felt good. He could vaguely remember getting hurt, out on a call, but the injury was not at the forefront of his mind at the moment. He was giggling, he thought. Or somebody was giggling near him. He thought he should probably check, so he cracked his eyes open. 

There were people standing around his bed. Two people were knocked out, one woman in a chair and a man on the couch. Two men were standing at the end of Eddie's bed, whispering to each other. 

Eddie felt something niggling at him, but he just couldn’t place who these people were. 

“Hey. Hey! Who the hell are you people, why are you sleeping in my room?” Eddie grumbled, making the men at the end of his bed jump. 

“Eddie, you’re awake. How do you feel?” 

“Floaty.” Eddie giggled. Then he remembered he didn’t know these people. “Who’re you?” His eyes felt heavy, his jaw felt hard to move, but he wanted to stay awake long enough to figure out who these people were. 

“Bobby, and Chim. Chimney. You don’t remember us?” The older man pointed to himself first and then to the shorter man beside him. 

Eddie mumbled to himself, “Bobby and Chimney.” His head lolled back and he groaned. “No, I don’t remember you. Hey, I’m hungry. Can you get me a burger? With bacon and cheese? Can you, please?” 

Chim laughed lightly, Eddie sounded like Chris when he was sleepy. He’d never thought he’d see Eddie Diaz pout. “No, I don’t think you’re allowed to eat yet.” To Bobby he said, “They told us the drugs he’s on would make him a little disoriented. Symptoms included temporary memory loss and general grumpiness.” 

Bobby hummed, ignoring Eddie when he complained, “I’m not grumpy. Leave me alone. God. You’re grumpy.” 

“What about Hen? And Buck? Do you remember them?” Bobby asked, pointed first to the women in the chair and then to the man on the couch. Neither had woken up yet. 

“No. Why are they sleeping?” 

“We’ve been here a long time. They just came off a long shift.” Bobby answered. 

Eddie tested his range of movement and managed to get himself in a sitting position. He got tangled in the wires trying to reach his pillow. “Ugh. Help. Help, please. Help! Chimney, help.” Eddie chanted, gaining in anger the more seconds that passed without someone assisting him. Chimney jumped to untangle him, making Bobby snort. 

Eddie didn’t say thank you, just huffed at them both. He leaned forward to see the other two who were still sleeping. “Who’s that? Buck? I am friends with Buck?” He asked, causing Chimney to snort. 

“You could say that.” He moved, nudging Hen with glee. “Wake up, it’s happening.” Hen jolted violently, but immediately pulled out her phone when Chim urged her too. Eddie didn’t pay them any attention. 

“God, he’s pretty. Do you think I should tell him? Can you wake him up so I can tell him?” 

Hen and Chimney made matching noises of happiness. Bobby shot them a scowl, “No, Eddie. I think he should sleep some more. He didn’t get much rest the past couple days.”

Eddie hums, “Okay. Fine. But, do you think he knows?” 

“Knows what?” Chim asked, falsely calm. 

“That he’s so pretty. He’s pretty even though he’s got big muscles. That just means he’s hot too. Look at his eyes, that birthmark is so cute. I bet his eyes are so cute, too. His hair is cute, it’s all curly. I like blondes. Blondes are, like, my type. Leggy blondes. Does he have long legs?” 

Hen squeals, causing Buck to jolt awake. “Okay? Ev’rythin’ okay?” He mumbles, wiping sleep from his eyes. 

Eddie sighs, much to the delight of Hen and Chimney. 

“Hi.” Eddie says, smiling softly, a shy look on his face. 

“Damn right everything is okay. Eddie is _high._ As a damn kite.” Hen crows, laughing hard, causing Buck to frown. 

“Hey, hey. Don’t make that face. You’re so pretty, did you know that? I love your hair. And your eyes, and your muscles. Oh! And your face. Your birthmark, too. Did I say that one already?” 

Buck sputtered, glancing around the room in confusion. “I- thanks, Ed. You don’t have to tell me all that.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, ducking to hide his blush. 

Eddie smiles cheerily, “But look at you now. You’re all blushy. That’s cute, too. I love your face when it’s all blushy. Do you want to come sit with me?”

Buck made a pained noise, blush spreading up his face, but nodded his agreement. He perched, slowly and hesitantly, on the edge of Eddie's bed. Eddie grins at him. He reaches over and pets Buck. Down his shoulder and bicep, and then over his thigh. Buck smiles back at him, losing his blush a little bit. 

Chim breaks the short silence, “Is this what Eddie is like deep inside? A huge teddy bear?” 

Buck chuckles, “He usually is a little bit.. Softer? At home, but never like this.” 

“At home? Do we live together?” Eddie continues without pausing to let Buck respond, “I live with you and I don’t tell you all the time how handsome you are? I should tell you everyday. No! Every minute, you should feel loved every minute of every day.” Eddie stares at Buck earnestly, eyes shining with affection. 

Buck scrambles, for all the confidence he shows, he doesn’t like being the center of attention. Buck bursts out, “Yeah, the others too! You should tell everyone else how much you like them, too. Chim! Tell Chimney how much you like him, he’s great also, right?” 

Eddie frowns, looking from Chimney to Buck. He huffs, lifts his hand from Buck’s knee to cross his arms. His eyebrows furrow and his mouth turns into a pout, making Buck gape at him. 

Eddie begins muttering, he probably thinks it’s to himself but he is much too loud for everyone in the room not to hear, “Fine. That’s fine. Buck likes Chimney. Whatever. That’s fine. Chimney probably doesn’t tell him how pretty he is every day, I would tell him how pretty he is everyday.” 

Buck flails, “No, no, Eddie! I don’t like Chimney - not like  I didn’t mean it like that, I just wanted you to stop putting so much attention on me. I like you more than Chimney, I promise.” 

Eddie stops muttering, but he is still frowning at Buck. “You don’t want me to tell you you’re pretty? Why? You are. I can’t lie. You don’t want people to know? People already know, Buck. They can just see it.” He says it almost deadpan, like it is so obvious he shouldn't have to be saying it at all.

Somewhere in that last burst, Bobby broke. Him, Chim, and Hen are all giggling, watching from behind Hen's phone. 

Buck doesn't turn and look at them, knows if they catch his face while it's this red, he'll never live it down. "Ed, honey, please lay back down? You need to rest. Your ribs are wrapped, can you feel that? Doesn't hurt though, right?" 

Eddie grins at Buck, "You called me honey." 

Buck frowns, "I always call you honey." Buck suddenly recalls Eddie asking if they lived together, having been too caught up in the wave of compliments to process it. He twists around to Bobby, "He doesn't remember? Why didn't you tell me that when I woke up?" 

Bobby does look a little shame faced, but Hen and Chim are totally unapologetic. Hen wags a hand at him, like, _get on with it_ . 

"Eddie, we're together. We're- ugh- we're boyfriend's, I guess. We've been dating for almost a year now. We've lived together for almost six months." 

Eddie scooted closer to Buck, slid a hand down his back, then back up to grab Buck's neck. Before Eddie can get anything out of his mouth, Buck quickly continues, "So, I need you to lay down so you can get better so we can go home and Chris can come and see you." 

Eddie sighs, "Ooh. Chris. I miss Christopher. You're taking care of Chris? Can't believe it. I'm so lucky. You're so cute and you love Chris too. You love Chris, right?" 

Buck smiles, "I love Chris. Will you lay down now? I promise Chris will be here when you wake up." 

Eddie sighed, but laid down without a fight. "You'll be here, too? I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I'll miss you. Miss your cute face." 

Buck snorted, "Go to sleep. Stop talking." 

"Just cause I'm not talking doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you." 

"Okay, honey, think all you want. Go to sleep now." 

Buck leaned down and kissed Eddie on the forehead, and Eddie was asleep before Buck sat back up. 

___

The next time Eddie woke up, he could feel the pain in his ribs considerably more. He also could feel the pain of humiliation after the fact. Almost like a hangover. Everything comes back in a wave and you have nothing to do but recall and feel it. 

Luckily, only Buck and Chris were in the room when Eddie woke up. Chris immediately climbed into his bed and let himself be arranged to lay against Eddie's non-injured side. He continues to play a game on Buck's phone, content to just lay with his father as him and Buck talk.

Buck hadn't said anything directly to Eddie yet, only to Chris about Eddie. When Eddie finally worked up his courage to look at Buck straight on, Buck only had a soft smile on his face. 

Eddie groaned loudly, immediately dropping his head back to look at the ceiling instead of Buck. 

Buck laughed softly, "Don't do that. It's not that bad." 

"You aren't allowed to say that. It wasn't you doing it." 

Buck laughed harder, "But it was happening to me! It was plenty embarrassing on my end also." 

"I was just- I said all those things- other people didn't need to hear me say those things. You didn't need to hear me say those things." 

Buck is silent for so long that Eddie finally turns his face back to him. Buck is frowning. He says, "You don't want me to know that you think I'm cute?" 

"No- that's not what I meant." 

"You said you would tell me I'm cute everyday." For all of Buck's embarrassment over hearing Eddie ramble about how pretty he thought Buck was, he did enjoy hearing it. Eddie didn't often express himself so explicitly. 

Eddie flounders, when he speaks his tone is incredulous, "That's just embarrassing! You want me to tell you all the time I think you're cute?" 

Buck bristles, offended, "Not all the time, but sometimes maybe. You don't have to! It was just nice to hear." Buck shakes his head, seemingly at himself. He stands up and starts patting his pockets, as if preparing to leave. "Whatever, I'm being stupid. It doesn't matter anyways, you probably didn't even mean any of it. I'm going to go call everyone and let them know you're up." 

"Wait, Buck!" 

"I'll be back in a minute. Chris stay with your dad for a second, okay? I'll get a doctor to start on your release." 

Buck flies out of the room, managing to not make eye contact with Eddie once. 

Chris holds up Buck's phone. "I don't think he's going to call anyone. He seemed sad. He was happy earlier. Before you woke up Hen called Buck and he was really happy. They were talking about when you woke up yesterday." 

"Did they show you the video? I was being silly. I was just saying everything that popped into my head."

"But they were nice things? I don't think anyone says nice things to Buck enough," Chris muttered, offhandedly. 

Eddie felt a worse pain in his heart than he'd ever felt in his ribs. Chris didn't think people said nice things to Buck enough. Eddie didn't know if he said nice things to Buck ever. He, obviously, was nice to him, but he didn't compliment him like he had yesterday. Eddie had noticed that Buck responded in conflicting ways to praise.

Like half of him wanted to believe it and bask in it and the other half of him couldn't bear to hear it, much less believe it. 

A doctor came in and did a quick check to make sure the meds had worn off and told Eddie he was free to go. He had instructions to not strain himself in any physical way. He'd be off work for a while, he had been prescribed a high dose of Tylenol, but it was nothing like what he had been on for them to patch up his ribs. 

Buck still hadn't returned. Eddie let Chris climb out of the bed carefully, supporting what weight of his he could. They gathered Chris's legos into his backpack and Eddie left Chris on the couch while he went into the bathroom to change into his clothes. Chris had informed him that Buck had packed Eddie a bag before they left this morning. 

When he opened the bag he pulled out his favorite sweat shorts and one of Buck's t-shirts that Eddie continually stole for his post work out naps. Eddie grinned as he pulled it on, Buck knew he'd want to be comfy and knew exactly what he'd want to put on. 

When he rejoined Chris, Buck still hadn't returned, so he urged Chris to grab his crutches so they could go find Buck on their way out. 

Approaching the front door, Eddie easily spotted Buck in the waiting room. The man had his arms crossed over his chest and was bouncing this left leg quickly. He may have looked angry and restless to most, but Eddie knew this was an apologetic Buck. This was a Buck who thought he overreacted and was trying to project ' _I'm sorry, let's move on and not talk about it"_ vibes. 

Eddie sighed, he let Chris run to Buck and offer up his phone. "Here, you forgot I had this, Buck." 

Buck only muttered, "Oh. Thanks buddy," letting Eddie know he was right. Buck had probably found a doctor to check on Eddie and then sat himself down to calm himself before he had to face Eddie and Chris again. 

He was quiet on the way home, Chris was telling a story about someone at school and Eddie couldn't make himself pay attention. He was too focused on Buck.

Buck was equally as focused on Chris's story as he was the road. He smiled at the boy in the rearview mirror when he could, and when he couldn't he was asking questions and making all the right intrigued-sounding noises. 

Eddie was thinking about the last compliment he paid Buck, before he was high on pain meds. He couldn't remember. He thought it might have been about a dinner Buck made. Actually, Eddie thought it was usually about food Buck made. 

Then he thought about what Buck had said yesterday, 

Eddie didn't have a pet name for Buck. Sometimes when they had sex he'd call him hot or sexy, but that's not nearly the same thing. Buck called Eddie sweet names all the time.

Maybe Eddie should start being more verbally affectionate. He called him 'man' and 'brother' a lot, he's realizing. Not super lovey dovey names.

But Eddie wasn't super physically affectionate either. Usually when he had the urge to reach out for Buck in public, he'd just bump their shoulders together. He didn't mind when Buck rubbed his back, or hugged around his shoulders, he just never thought to reciprocate. Buck was a pretty affectionate guy in general, Eddie now wondered if Buck tamed his own urges because of Eddie's apparent reluctance to express affection in public. 

Buck was certainly very affectionate in private, always touching Eddie somewhere. He was always touching Eddie's hands, or face, or hair, hugging him from behind at the stove, cuddling up to Eddie on the couch. Eddie knew that Buck would come to him, so he hardly ever initiated the touching or cuddling. 

After Buck's outburst, Eddie wondered if Buck felt undesired. If Buck stopped reaching for Eddie, would they ever be affectionate with each other? Eddie certainly felt loved and desired by Buck, but he was suddenly worried Buck wouldn't say the same. 

Eddie would fix this. Buck deserved to feel wanted, to know Eddie loved him and wanted to cuddle and hold hands. Eddie would tell him and show him, he would do whatever it took to make Buck look like he had in the hospital room the day before. 

___

Eddie let Buck get away without talking about what happened in the hospital. Buck was obviously embarrassed about it, and Eddie had figured it all out on his own anyways. 

Eddie wouldn't, however, let it go uncorrected. 

3

When Eddie woke up, Buck still laid curled up on his side of the bed. Eddie didn't want to lay it on too thick to start and have Buck catch on, Buck might assume Eddie was only doing it because he thought Buck wanted him to. When really, Eddie hadn't realized his subtle affections weren't enough. Eddie loved Buck and needed Buck to feel it. 

So, Eddie curled up behind Buck, careful of his own ribs. He squeezed one arm into the space between Buck's elbow and waist, sliding the other under Buck's pillow.

As Buck began to stir, Eddie whispered into his neck, "Baby, wake up." 

"Hmm." He hummed, pressing back into Eddie's chest. "M'wake." 

Eddie began swiping his hand up and down Buck's chest. The man was a heater, running hot everywhere but his feet. He slept with no shirt on most nights, and last night was no exception. Eddie's palm slides easily against Buck's skin, fingers bumping against the ridges of his abs. 

"Mm, that feels good," Buck murmured, he dropped his shoulder back so he could lean more fully against Eddie's chest. Also gave Eddie easier access to explore Buck's torso. "You're not trying to start something, right? We do not have time to have sex before we have to get Chris to school." 

"No, no, babe, just thought it would feel nice. Like a massage, yeah?" 

Buck squinted suspiciously at his boyfriend, but ultimately let it go. "Yeah, alright. I believe you." 

Eddie snorted, "Did you need to convince yourself first?" 

Buck hummed noncommittally, which Eddie knew meant "Yes". 

  
  


2

Eddie didn’t think it was appropriate to be extra affectionate at work, and he knew Buck felt the same way. So, he waited until date night. 

They were going to see a movie, a grown-up movie. One with bad words and real people and probably sex and fighting. Eddie hadn’t seen one of those in a while. 

Buck parked his Jeep in a nearby parking garage and they walked the short distance to the theater. Normally, if they were out walking around on a date Buck might lay a hand on Eddie’s back occasionally, but for the most part they just walked with their shoulders glued together. Eddie wasn’t sure why. They held hands at home. Eddie held Shannon’s hand when they went out together. He just never thought Buck might want to do something like that. 

But now Eddie had figuratively opened his eyes and literally started paying more attention, he realized something. They probably didn't even look like a couple. Maybe to another gay man, their closeness could be read as overly friendly, but for the most part they could easily explain away why they walk shoulder to shoulder. Not that Eddie wanted to, of course. But, they could. He wondered, now, if Buck thought Eddie wanted that option. If he thought that Eddie wanted to hide behind peoples heteronormative assumptions. 

Eddie did not. 

Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand, squeezing his palm slightly, “This okay?” 

Buck glanced around them before answering, “Yeah- I mean, yeah? If you want. We don’t hav- Do you want to?” 

“Yes, baby.” Eddie brought up their joined hands and kissed the back of Buck’s palm, leaving a few kisses in quick succession followed by one long one. He did it deliberately, because he knew that was how Buck kissed his and Chris’s cheeks. Eddie had thought it was to annoy Chris by taking a long time, but maybe it was just because he wanted to fit as many in as he could. After Eddie dropped their hands back down, he said, “I want everyone to know your mine and I’m yours.” 

Buck was floored, he looked at Eddie so sweetly Eddie thought Buck may actually start crying, so to lighten up the mood he had accidentally created, he cracked a joke. “Or, if you don't want to hold hands I could always get you a tshirt. ‘I’m with Edmundo Diaz. Back off’. I’d have no problem getting those made. Maybe one in every color.” 

It succeeded in making Buck laugh, which was Eddie’s intention. Buck simply dropped his signature kisses on Eddie's cheek in thanks. 

Buck dropped Eddie's hand to deal with their tickets, but as soon as they got to their seats Eddie grabbed his hand back. This time intertwining their fingers and sliding his thumb on the back of Buck’s palm.

He didn't let go until Buck leaned over half way through the movie and kissed him in apology, “I can't do this anymore. Your hand is so sweaty, I can’t deal. You can hold my hand later, when there is a breeze.” 

  
  


1

Eddie had done his best to start being really blatant in his affection for Buck and he could admit he’d noticed a difference in their relationship. 

Buck was more likely to reach out for Eddie’s hand when they were out and about, and Eddie made sure he grabbed first just as often. Buck was more likely to introduce Eddie to random strangers as his partner or boyfriend, which was something he hadn’t noticed Buck didn't do until he started doing it. 

Like in the grocery line someone would say something about them being friends and Buck would grin and say politely, “Actually this is my boyfriend.” 

Or at the park when another parent or kid would ask which of us was Chris’s dad Buck would beam, “Both! Eddie is his biological father and I’m his partner.” 

Eddie knew that Buck used to let Eddie answer those types of questions, or he would let them assume with no correction. 

Once Eddie started hearing “boyfriend” over and over again, he realized that that wasn't good enough. Buck was everything to him and Chris and Buck deserved to know it. 

So, that’s why he was proposing today. Bobby was hosting a barbeque just because it was going to be a nice day for it and after everyone had committed to coming, Eddie knew he wanted to hijack it and propose to Buck in front of all their friends and family because Buck needed to know that Eddie loved him and that Eddie wanted everyone to know it. 

But of course, nothing is ever easy with Buck. 

Eddie had only just gotten on one knee in front of Buck, barely opened his mouth when Buck interrupted. 

“Yes! I do! Don’t say anything, you’ll make me cry!”

Eddie almost rolled his eyes, but he managed not to purely because he knew Hen had a camera trained right on his face. 

“Sweetheart I didn’t even get to ask the question. I have a whole speech. I-”

Buck was shaking his head, trying to urge Eddie up back onto his feet. “I know you do, I know what you’re trying to do and I love you for it. But I don't need it. I know you love me and I know you weren’t trying to keep it a secret. You say it all the time in your actions, it just took me a while to realize. I don’t need you to confess in front of the world, Maybe I wanted it once, but not anymore. I know you love me. I love you, honey. So much. I want to marry you so bad.” 

Eddie was almost crying by the end of it. “I want to marry you so bad, too.”

Buck pulled him in for a hug, squeezing the breath out of him. “You can tell me your speech later, okay? I still want to hear it. I just need you to know that what you do is enough.” 

______

Of course, though. Eddie didn’t get past, “I have loved you since I first set my eyes on you, I just didn’t know it yet,” before Buck tackled him to the bed, sniffling dangerously. 

Eddie knew it was okay though. He had his whole life to tell Buck all the ways and reasons he loved him. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos keep me alive and well :)


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